Talking about cancer is deeply personal, and there is no single “right” way to do it. You get to choose when, how, and with whom you share it, providing as much or as little detail as you’re comfortable with.
Breaking the news
Do this in a way that feels right for you. You may want to start with a simple sentence like:
- “This is going to be difficult, but I need to tell you something.”
- “You know I haven’t been feeling well for a while, and after some tests, the doctors have figured out what’s going on.”
- “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer, and I’m still taking it all in.”
You may choose to keep updates to a small circle, let someone else update your people on your behalf, or share the news through a group message.
Messages will also vary depending on who you’re communicating with:
- at work, you may choose to tell only your manager or human resources, and ask that your health information be kept private while explaining any time off or changes to your schedule
- when talking with children, experts suggest using clear, age-appropriate language, naming “cancer,” and reassuring them that they did not cause it and cannot catch it. For more advice on breaking the news to children, see the Rare Cancers Australia Rare Cancer Support Guide.
Setting gentle boundaries
People are likely to ask questions, offer solutions, want details, and want to help. Remember it’s OK to set boundaries that protect your energy, even with the people you love. Try:
- “I’m not up for talking about it today. Can we just chat about something lighter?”
- “I’m happy to talk about [how I’m feeling], but I’m not ready to discuss [prognosis] yet.”
- “Thanks for caring; I need a break from this topic right now.”
- “I’ll share more when I’m ready.”
- “I don’t have updates at the moment, but I’ll share when I do.”
- “I’d love to talk about the kids / the weather / that TV show instead.”
- “I appreciate your concern; today I’d rather just enjoy our time together.”
You don’t have to disclose your treatment plan, prognosis, symptoms or fears to everyone. You’re also allowed to feel different from one day to the next. One day you might feel open and ready to talk, the next, you might feel raw and protective – and that’s OK. Just chatting about everyday things can also help you feel that normal life still goes on.
Whatever you choose to share, you are allowed to change your mind over time; talking about cancer is a living, flexible process that can shift as you move through treatment and beyond.
Sharing feelings
You don’t have to put on a brave face all the time. Sharing how you really feel – sad, angry, hopeful, numb – can help others understand what kind of support is most helpful.
If it feels too hard to open up with family or friends, professional counselling or a cancer support group can give you a safe space to speak freely.
Remember: you’re doing the best you can with something very difficult.
Words from Jemma’s heart
Lead with love – for yourself first.
Your story is sacred.
Share the pieces that feel right, hold the pieces that feel tender,
and know you don’t have to walk any part of this journey alone.You are held.
You are supported.
You are allowed to take up space in whatever way feels right for you.
